【翻译+解析】2023年六级汉译英真题1：中国城市加快发展

原题：

近年来，中国城市加快发展，城市人居环境得到显著改善。许多城市努力探索中国特色的城市高质量发展之路，城市功能不断完善，治理水平明显提高。中国持续开展城市生态修复和功能修补，全面实施城镇老旧小区改造，大力推进城市园林绿化，消除污染，同时大力推进城市基础设施体系化建设，开展房屋建筑和市政设施普查以及安全隐患排查整治，努力为市民创造高品质的生活环境，让城市更美丽、更安全、更宜居。

网络版（华研外语）

In recent years, Chinese cities have accelerated their development, and the urban living environment has been significantly improved. Many cities have been trying to explore the path of high-quality urban development with Chinese characteristics, continuously improving urban functions, and significantly enhancing governance levels. China has been continuously carrying out urban ecological repair restoration and functional comprehensively implementing the renovation of old urban neighborhoods, vigorously promoting urban landscaping and greening, and eliminating pollution. At the same time, China has been vigorously promoting the systematic construction of urban infrastructure conducting surveys of housing construction and municipal facilities as well as identifying and rectifying safety hazards，striving to create a high-quality living environment for citizens，making cities more beautiful, safer and more livable.

综上而看，六级标准足矣。但是严格意义讲，还是存在一些翻译不足。

不足之处一二：（来自【翠山观景】许老师）

1. try to explore啰嗦. explore本身就是try。

2.城市治理，结合上下文，不是讲governance，而是management。

3. landscaping与greening语义重复。

4 全面实施，不是comprehensively,全面是全国性的意思。

5 eliminate pollution话说的太绝对了。谁能根除污染？应该用reduce。

6 房屋建筑翻译为houses就可以了。housing construction是住房施工工程。

7 机械的使用ing结构，滥用and ，而不考虑原文深层的前后关系，使得文章读起来生硬。

以下是我增加的不足点：

8 acclerate显得发展是十分被动的，违背了原文的初衷

9 continuous carry out 显得在制定政策上来回发布新政策，不专业且不严谨

10 rectify hazard 成了字面上的修复隐患，难道隐患还有邪恶的？hazard是要eliminate的

解析：

第一句：“……中国城市加快发展，城市人居环境得到显著改善”

这里存在的因果关系：城市人居环境改善 是 中国城市加快发展的结果。

【词汇】加快：quicken one’s step in…

quicken和accelerate的区别在于：前者更体现出主动性，使得翻译更具生命特色。

而accelerate偏向于外部力量推动其前进，比如汽车的加速就多为acceleration，物理上的a就是acceleration的简称。

【逻辑】：城市人居环境得到显著改善【归功于】中国城市加快发展。

当积极的事件表达原因的时候，可以使用thanks to体现出情感色彩。

Urban living conditions have remarkably improved over the past few years thanks to China's quickening steps in its urban development.

大幅提高：have remarkably improved / improved remarkably

第二句：

许多城市努力探索中国特色的城市高质量发展之路，城市功能不断完善，治理水平明显提高。

【逻辑】许多城市努力探索中国特色的城市高质量发展之路，【通过他们的努力】【他们获得的经验使得】城市功能不断完善，治理水平明显提高。

努力：seek to do / endeavor to do / work hard to do / be committed to doing / be devoted to doing / dedicated oneself to doing

A lot of cities have been seeking ways of high-quality development with Chinese characteristics, through which, they have gained great improvements in urban functions and management.

【难点】：城市的功能、治理完善和提高，是由于他们在这一方面获得了经验而实现。这里存在一层深层逻辑。完善和提高用一个词improvement就可以都表明出来，适度让语言简化。

第三句：

“中国持续开展城市生态修复和功能修补，……”

【逻辑】持续要体现出“持续性”，使用现在完成进行时，或者是有体现“不断”的短语。

make unremitting efforts to do sth. 为了某件事不停地努力。

       unremitting adj. 不间断的，不放弃的，坚持不懈的

这里提到的修复和修补可使用词汇ameliorate表示，和improve的区别在于：ameliorate偏向于从较差的状态中将其改善，使之达到较好的状态。

本句可使用China has been making unremitting efforts to ameliorate its urban ecosystems and functions

【易错词】（网络版）continuously carried out…

【讨论】continuously carry out显得是“不断出台新政策”，给人一种不断重新做决定的感觉，显得比较业余。

第四句：

“全面实施城镇老旧小区改造，大力推进城市园林绿化，消除污染，……”

【逻辑】全面实施城镇老旧小区改造，大力推进城市园林绿化，消除污染 的【全面】是【全国范围内】

也就是说【国家】在【全国范围内】实施城镇老旧小区改造，大力推进城市园林绿化，消除污染

继续上句，renovate its old towns and urban residential communities (老旧小区官方翻译为old urban residential communities，来源：中国日报), invigorate urban greening and reduce pollution

【易错词】消除污染：eliminate pollution。污染是一个相对概念，不是一个绝对概念，所以eliminate有些“一刀切”的意味，不符合“污染”的逻辑

renovate its old towns and urban residential communities, invigorate urban greening and reduce pollution nationwide.

第五句：

同时大力推进城市基础设施体系化建设，开展房屋建筑和市政设施普查以及安全隐患排查整治，努力为市民创造高品质的生活环境，让城市更美丽、更安全、更宜居。

【词汇】大力推进：push forward，安全隐患：safety hazards

开展房屋建筑和市政设施普查以及安全隐患排查整治：conduct surveys on settlements and municipal facilities and inspections against safety hazards.

【逻辑】对于安全隐患的排查整治，安全和隐患是对立的概念，所以可以直接用against体现出来。或者to eliminate，隐患是要消除的。

第六句：

“让城市更美丽、更安全、更宜居。”

【逻辑】通过这些努力，城市更美丽、更安全、更宜居。

努力某事的第三个表达法：strive for sth. / strive to do sth.

The country is striving for higher-quality living environment for urban dwellers. Through these efforts, it is making cities more attractive, safer and more livable.

【易混词】stride 精神抖擞，大步向前

take full / confident strides on 

“我们正意气风发迈上全面建设社会主义现代化国家新征程，向第二个百年奋斗目标进军，以中国式现代化全面推进中华民族伟大复兴。”

Now we are taking full and confident strides on a new journey to turn China into a modern socialist country in all respects, to advance toward the Second Centenary Goal and to embrace the great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation on all fronts through a Chinese path to modernization.

【语言要点】：措辞与时态

本文在使用时态的时候多为现在完成时，或者现在完成进行时，体现出的目的如下：

1-    使用现在完成时，体现的是和过去的对比，体现出进步是一个过程，且和过去进步明显。

2-    使用现在完成进行时，体现的是趋向性，体现出这种积极变化将持续下去。

我的制作版：

Urban living conditions have remarkably improved over the past few years thanks to China's quickening steps in its urban development. A lot of cities have been seeking ways of high-quality development with Chinese characteristics, through which, they have gained great improvements in urban functions and management. China has been making unremitting efforts to ameliorate its urban ecosystems and functions, renovate old towns and urban residential communities nationwide, invigorate urban greening and reduce pollution. Meanwhile, it has been pushing forward building urban infrastructures systems, conduct surveys on settlements and municipal facilities and inspections against potential safety hazards. The country is striving for higher-quality living environment for urban dwellers. Through these efforts, it is making cities more attractive, safer and more livable.

最后是许老师的最佳版本：

Recent years have witnessed considerable improvement in the urban living environment as cities in China quicken their paces of development. Thanks to the great effort made to explore the path to high-quality development with Chinese characteristics, a lot of cities have become more experienced in urban management with improved functions. China has been committed to the urban ecological restoration and repair of ecological function, the renovation of old residential communities across the country, urban greening, and pollution reduction. Meanwhile, it has worked hard to advance the systematic construction of urban infrastructure, and the survey of houses and municipal facilities while treating hidden safety hazards. By doing so, it seeks to create a high-quality living environment that is prettier, safer, and more livable for its citizens.

Reference:

“老旧小区”英文翻译：https://baijiahao.baidu.com/s?id=1755430123609946480&wfr=spider&for=pc