Ask Amy: I’ve fallen in love, but am afraid of getting hurt if I say anything

Dear Amy: I moved to a retirement community several years ago. A mixture of couples and singles live here.

Over time I’ve become assimilated into the community.

I’ve met someone who hasn’t been alone as long as I have. I met him in the major corridor of our complex. I put on my best smile and introduced myself. He is ruggedly handsome, walks with a confident swagger, and has a great and engaging personality.

I wondered why he didn’t seem to be attached to any of the attractive women who live here. He is popular with men and women, and I know there are other ladies here who would like his attention.

We have become close. We share many common interests. He is loving, tender, and considerate of my feelings and needs.

My problem is that I’ve fallen in love with him, however, I don’t want to be hurt if he doesn’t totally feel the way I do.

I’m afraid I might lose him! I’m afraid of being hurt.

I’d like your advice on whether I should break this off and take my emotional lumps now or stay and keep him happy.

– Senior Single

Dear Senior: My understanding about some retirement communities is that they can be hotbeds of … hot beds.

Your experience of meeting your guy in the hallway and perhaps being in competition with other women reminds me that attraction will always – to varying degrees – pull any of us right back to high school.

And, just like affairs earlier in your life, the feeling of love and attraction leads to extreme vulnerability.

You are afraid of losing him. You are afraid of being hurt.

I would venture that both of these things are inevitable, because as you age the reality of loss grows closer.

You should talk to this man about your relationship. What does he want, and what do you want? Does he want to be in an exclusive relationship? Do you?

I’d offer one correction: You ask whether you should “stay and keep him happy.”

You should only stay in the relationship as long as it keeps you happy.

Dear Amy: Is there a new or substitute writer for your column?

The replies have become noticeably less angry, newly apolitical, and actually helpful and kind.

– Bob

Dear Bob: I am the only writer for this column, which I have been writing for 20 years now.

Thank you for delivering one of the most backhanded compliments I’ve ever received.

Check out prior Ask Amy columns

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.