双语

虽然美国高中没有规定禁止学生谈恋爱，学生恋爱很普遍，但是学生也并没有“一定要谈恋爱”的压力。学生们对谈恋爱的同学有一种奇怪的尊重，甚至是崇拜，但同时也会开他们的玩笑。“爱”既奇妙又有点儿危险，还是一件不太容易开口讨论的事。

这恰恰是学校让所有的十一年级学生去约会的原因，这种约会叫做“第一级约会”，是彼此了解和建立信任的初级阶段，没有什么了不起。通过这种约会，大家有机会面对自己对感情的想法，也有机会随意而诚恳地讨论恋爱的话题。我们在哲学伦理课上还花了一些时间学习如何面对复杂的感情关系和如何理清自己的情绪。

我们都希望亲近别人，无论是朋友、家人还是恋人。这种亲近是感情方面的接近，不能被浅薄的共同点或是纯粹的肉体接触所替代。那么，为什么生活中难以找到一个能跟你在感情上产生亲近感的人？我觉得这是因为，为了培养共同信任，双方都必须袒露自己最容易受伤的那一面，这需要很大的勇气和一定的智慧。而了解自己对感情的想法是这种勇气和智慧的前提。

所谓的“早恋”其实是一种探索自己感情的方式，它并不邪恶。我们不能否认，高中谈恋爱会干扰对学习的专注，但我们也不能小看十几岁青少年的心智。我的朋友Grace就是她学校成绩最优秀的学生。我不是在鼓励高中生谈恋爱，我只是想说，我们没有必要因为恐惧而隐藏自己的感受，连自己都不敢面对。感情是我们生命中非常重要的一部分：只有接受了自己的内心，才能真正地接受自己，正视自己感情的需要。

我的约会结束了，我发现自己根本没有欲望谈恋爱。虽然我跟Steve有不少共同语言，但是我知道我不“喜欢”他，更没有时间和足够的信任去与他保持一段亲密关系。

“爱”在我的眼里还很遥远，但是我知道，当它来到我面前的时候，我不会否定它的存在。

每个人的情况有所不同。恋，早不早，因人而异。

杨茗

——考取美国大学的误区有？

——美国留学高中生怎么兼职？

——以及英文写作？

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以下为英语版

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Too Young for Young Love?

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That morning, I couldn't swallow my breakfast. As soon as I arrived at school, my heart began to pound loudly. When I saw him in the halls, all the courage I'd mustered yesterday melted like ice. I took a deep breath and told myself, the first step is the hardest, but a good beginning is the halfway marker to a successful ending.

Legs like jelly, I walked up to him and said, "Hey Steve, would you be willing to go on a date with me?"

Steve seemed surprised, but he accepted. I exhaled. Good thing he knew the reason behind my sudden invitation to go on a date.

"The Dating Project" is a philosophy class assignment given to all eleventh grade students at my school. Everyone, regardless of whether he or she has been asked, must ask another student on a date. The date must be between 45 and 90 minutes, and the two people must converse and get to know each other. Each person must write a personal reflection on the experience. After school, Steve and I took a walk on the beach and found quite a lot to talk about; it wasn't nearly as awkward as I'd imagined.

As a matter of fact, many American students start dating in high school. Scan the cafeteria at lunchtime and you'll see several students sharing a chair with a boyfriend or girlfriend, enjoying a two-person world amidst the chaos of their surroundings. In class (since our textbooks are all in our iPads), there's always somebody simpering at his or her screen and sending secret love notes. Many of such relationships aren't really serious. Some of my classmates change boy/girlfriends every few months. Some will maintain one relationship throughout high school but embark on completely separate paths after graduation. My friend Grace began dating a guy during her first year of high school, and she told me, "Dating someone is like having a best friend you can kiss."

Although U.S. high schools don't ban dating, and dating is really quite prevalent, students aren't pressured to enter relationships. They hold a strange respect, sometimes even a sense of worship, toward their dating peers, but tease them all the same. "Love" is mysterious and a little dangerous, and not something spoken about with ease.

For this very reason, my school told all eleventh graders to go on dates. This sort of date is known as a "level one date," and serves to pave the way for mutual understanding and trust. It's really not a big deal. Through this type of date, we get the opportunity to face our own emotions and the chance to more casually discuss the topic of romance. We took a chunk of time from philosophy class to learn how to face complex emotions and sort through our own feelings.

We all wish to grow intimate with others, whether they be friends, family, or lovers. The intimacy I speak of is emotional intimacy that superficial commonalities and purely incarnate interactions cannot replace. Then, why is it so hard to find someone with whom we can become emotionally intimate? I think it is because, in order to nurture mutual trust, each person must reveal his or her own most vulnerable self. This requires immense courage, and wisdom. And to understand our own emotions is the foundation of it all.

"Young love" is a way of exploring our emotions. It is not an evil. We cannot deny that dating in high school interferes with our focus on studying, but we cannot underestimate, either, a high school student's maturity in making judgments. My friend Grace, for example, has the highest grades in her entire school. I'm not encouraging high school students to date; all I'm saying is, we need not hide our emotions, from others and ourselves, due to fear. Emotions remain an essential part of our lives. Only through accepting our feelings can we truly accept ourselves and our intangible needs.

After my date, I discovered that I really don't want to be in a relationship. Although Steve and I have much in common, I knew I didn't "like" him. Nor did I have the time or the trust to maintain a close relationship.

"Love" in my eyes, is a distant thing, but I know that when it dawns upon me, I won't deny its existence.

Everyone is different. Whether or not young love is too young is unique to the individual.

(原载于《高中生阅读》2017年3月号)返回搜狐，查看更多